Some help getting off work to watch the first round of the NCAA Tournament
by Bill Kintner
If you have worked for the same employer for awhile, you have probably gone through most of your best excuses for taking off work for the NCAA Tournament.
Let’s face it: your grandparents can only die twice, so that takes care of two years. It is a few months too early to claim a tax audit. A two-day dentist appointment doesn’t work.
I used to work as a sales rep for a company and they were slave drivers. I would sneak a small TV into my office and put it in my desk drawer, then close it when the VP of Operations would wander down to make sure I hadn’t dozed off.
The good news is they were not sports fans and didn’t really know when all the sporting events were that I would take off for, so they weren’t looking for my excuses. The easiest way to get off of work for me was to just schedule a business/sales trip during the first two days of the NCAA Tournament.
In March of 2004, I was in Memphis during the first round of the tournament. I camped out at the Fox and Hound in Germantown for two days. I ate a lot of food and smoked a lot of cigars, but I sure didn’t sell much for my firm.
When I finally got out of sales to be a writer, I had less money but a lot more free time. Life is always a series of trade-offs.
But you don’t have to quit your job to watch some sports.
Now there are a lot of you who do not have the luxury of scheduling a business trip so here are my “Top 10 excuses for getting off of work to watch the NCAA Tournament.”
10. I can’t make it in to work today. My keys are locked in my car, my car is locked in the garage and my wife is away for the week with the key to the garage.
9. I won’t be in today, I have to get tested to see if I am the father of Anna Nicole’s baby.
8. I won’t be in for the rest of this week. I have to go to Pebble Beach to help OJ find the real killer.
7. I won’t be in for a few days, I have to go to Tennessee to help Al Gore fight global warming.
6. I can’t come into work today, the springs on my garage door broke and I can’t get my car out.
5. I just got called up by the National Guard; I am going to Iraq as part of that surge thing.
4. You see my girlfriend’s friend’s cousin? Her mother is a total flake and her three kids are getting taken away by Child Protective Services and she is going to jail, and my girlfriend is working. Her cousin is out of town, so you see I have to stay home and watch them.
3. I can’t make it in today; my aunt is flying in from Vermont. You see she has only one arm and two pieces of luggage and needs me to carry the luggage.
2. Just don’t go into work on Thursday, don’t call or e-mail, then on Monday call up your boss and say, “Don’t pay the ransom, I’ve escaped.”
And the number one excuse for missing work is (drum roll): diarrhea!!! Just the mere mention of the word and your boss will immediately stop asking questions.
Now go check those brackets one last time and good luck!
